melissa's space

Hi all.... sorry, but for some reason I am having trouble with my pending requests for friends. It will not allow me to accept friends. it keeps telling me that it is unavailable..... all the time. I have tried to get help with this, but I am not getting anywhere with windows live. This has been happening for quite some time. So.... if you tried to add me and haven't been accepted, blame windows or microsoft. As for those of you who want to add me as a messenger contact.... sorry, but i don't use my messenger and will not accept requests for that. Other than that.... hope everyone is having a peachy day or night.

NO MORE FIGHTING, NO MORE TEARS

NO MORE SPYING AND NO MORE FEARS

I JUST WISH THESE THINGS COULD BE

ESPECIALLY FOR YOU AND ME

I LOVE YOU AND YOU LOVE ME

BUT WE CAN'T LIVE HAPPILY

TOGETHER OR APART HAS BEEN THE QUANDRY

WE'VE AIRED IT LIKE OUR DIRTY LAUNDRY

SO MUCH TENSION IN THE AIR

WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR?

SO MANY UPS AND SO MANY DOWNS

MAKING US ALL WEAR FROWNS

SOMETHING MUST GIVE

IN ORDER FOR US TO LIVE, WITH

NO MORE FIGHTING, NO MORE TEARS

NO MORE SPYING AND NO MORE FEARS

FOR THIS IS WHAT I WISH COULD BE

ESPECIALLY FOR YOU AND ME

My life has been an emotional roller coaster for the last four months!! Just when I think things are getting better, they turn to crap! Now, I realize that snooping is not a good thing, but when you are being snooped on it makes you want to look at what the other person is doing. So I did that. Like I said, I don't think it is right, but I am admitting that I did! After doing so, I realized that it doesn't even matter what you find because for one reason you might not like what you find and for another what is the point. It's just going to upset someone one way or another! Or as in my case, start a fight that would have never happened had I not snooped! But in any case after just snooping twice, I realized that I don't even want to look anymore. What someone else does is their own business......even if they are your spouse! Or maybe I'm just a naive stressed out woman who needs to learn how to have fun and not worry so damned much! Whichever the case is, I'm definitely not having fun and I am definitely worrying way to much about every aspect of my life! I just want my marriage to work so damn bad! I love him so much and I think he knows that, but at times I just feel like he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.  I know that he has felt the same way about me also, but how do you fix it? I mean seriously, is there a fix for a marriage that has had so many ups and downs that neither one of us seem to be able to get over them? At this point in time it just feels like we can't move forward! We  both are putting forth the effort.... I know I am and I believe he is....... but we take 3 steps forward and then another 2 back!!!!  I know nothing in life is easy, but trying to keep a marriage together is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do! I try to put an issue behind me and not worry about it, but every time we have a spat he seems to bring up the last thing we fought over.  I am so confused, hurt, frazzled, and just plain tired that I don't know how to handle my life anymore! Sometimes, I just wish it could all be over! I realize that it's not the answer and believe me I don't have the heart to do something so stupid, but I do admit that I have had passing thoughts on just giving up on life! Besides that I have 3 wonderful children that are my world even though I don't seem to show them enough, that really need me!!!! Okay I think I'm finished venting. If you read this whole thing, thanks for listening! It helps! I feel a little better!!!!

I'm so lost and lonely feeling as of late! It seems that my home life has taken over and nothing else matters! I can't keep my mind on my work and would rather not think about what is going on at home. Things are just not good. For the last month or so my hubby leaves every night when i get home from work. Sometimes it's only for a few moments other times like last night  as soon as i walk in the door he's slipping his shoes on telling me he has to go and then he's gone for hours. If he's not gone, he is online talking to friends and doesn't act like I'm around. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything. Alls we do anymore is fight and I'm not ready to give up, but I feel like I don't belong in my own house anymore. My hubby doesn't know what he wants......so where does that leave me? Hmmmm.........It leaves me feeling like crap all the time, not wanting to go home, then at the same time wanting to know what is happening. He keeps telling me that he loves me it's not that. You just have to hear the way he talks to me though. It's like he's already gone. Little things like...I don't want to leave you without a baby sitter. Maybe I'm crazy, but I really feel like it's over and he either doesn't have the nerve to tell me it's over or he just doesn't want to face it either. This whole scenario ruined Christmas ( at least for me) and I'm sure New Year's won't be too much better. I'm miserable and feel so alone. I just really want a little more attention and can't seem to get that. I just don't feel important anymore. I just want to cry all the time. The bad part is I'm usually the one who gives advice, but I can't seem to find the right insight at the moment. I'm not sleeping well. my stomach is in knots, and I shake like I don't know what. I can't keep this up anymore, but I don't know what to do. I'm kinda thinking that I should just find somewhere else to stay, but my kids don't know anything yet. At least they haven't been told. I'm sure they think something is up, but they haven't said anything. I'm so lost and confused. I just don't know.

In November my car had been in the shop most of the month!! Grrr! On top of putting all that money in my car, Josh's car goes and breaks down on us Thursday! His is not worth fixing I don't believe. Right now we are trying to car pool! This sucks so bad and had to happen at the worst possible time. It just seems like everything always happens at once. Or one after another anyway. I'm just so fed up with cars !!! Now I have to look into buying another. I don't really know what I want to buy I really love my car! I have the option of keeping my car and Josh buying yet another or me picking a car and giving him back the neon. I think he will get tired of taking me to work everyday before I decide what type of car I want to buy. Then most likely he will end up with a new car again. I'm so so so tired of cars! I know I said that already, but I don't need this!!! I can't afford it either. I don't think my good looks and great personality are going to get me very far!! Haa haa Would be nice for something good to happen for me. Everything seems to be going in the wrong direction for me these days. I just have to hope that there is something better in store for me in the near future. Please!!??!?!?!